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YUSNIZA, yussy, yus, iza .
18, 210691, Gemini
SP, Human Resource Management with Psychology
Modern Dancer, SDZ
Brown, Chocolates w/o nuts, White roses, Jellybeans, Marshmallows (:

Do TAG, love you! (:

Life just ain't fair. People always get things their way, without any effort at all. And you, as the bullied one who does all the stuff, and doesn't get noticed at all. Because humans are cunning being. They are born with good brains, but don't make proper use of it, till the very last minute. And coming up with something good. It's just ain't fair.

People come and go. Not just flings or boyfriends, even friends. Really, its upset-ing. But since that's how they want it to be, what else can I do? I don't like to change people, because I don't like it when people change me. But forgetting where you come from , the source and where you originate from is saddening.

GEMS report, RWPS recording, report and ppt slides, Blaw CA2 and readups. This is basically what I have to do this weekend. With dance taking up my Saturday morning till late afternoon. Really, I've got to prioritise things from now on.

I am surrounded with so many troubled friends. Yet, I can't do much to help them out or make them feel better. Even though I'm one of them. Sad.

I'm happy when I make people happy. Or at least, laugh. So please laugh at my lame jokes (even if you don't get it) and make me happy.

Okay, such a stupid request. HAHA.

Ahh, back to school stuff. ):

Something is wrong with my toes. Or at least, I think so. It's hurting mad now. HAIYA!

Interview went well. It's fun, in fact (: Got to prepare CBM presentation tomorrow now. Ugh.

I'm just afraid of screwing up la. It took me a long time to get used to presentations. But now, it's back again, I just feel unprepared and insecure.

10am to 7pm tomorrow, do what?? ):

I can't help but to feel, I don't know, left out? Even partner can tell. Aiya. Life's like that.

Okay, seriously, the template is freaking irritating.

And I want to shit. Ok bye! (:

I swear, this blogger template is irritating me. :(

I'm freaking out, seriously. I'm afraid of falling deeper. I'm afraid of repeating the same mistake twice. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision if I open up again. I'm afraid, BODOH!

GYEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Interview tomorrow, CBM presentation on Wednesday, RWPS video-taping presentation on Thursday and PMT presentation on Friday. Oh god!

My mom told me today. "You better quit dance next year. How are you going to get into NUS/NTU/SIM/SMU if you keep on dancing and not studying?!"

First and foremost, my dear mom, my dancing have nothing to do with my grades at all. I don't spend the whole week at dance, just 2/3 times per week. It's just that I didn't study smart and I am just plain lazy and stupid, so my greades are like that. Secondly, I don't think I/we can afford the University fees. So why must I work my ass off, and then not being able to afford? We are already struggling to pay my poly fees. Thirdly, I didn't say I want to continue studying right after graduation. I have yet to make any plans for the future. But most probably getting a job first, and then study.

Right, of course. I didn't say all that in front of her.

Seriously, this incident dampened my mood in school ):

Ahh, why is life like this....

Okay, back to preparing my speech.

Life is being unfair to me now. Lady luck is gone.

Last night, you asked for things to start anew. Like we have never known each other. My heart started to open up. But I when I started to clarify things, you backed away. Really, if you're willing to start fresh and make things better, you wouldn't mind me asking such questions. Part of me is disappointed, because I thought you are a changed man. But it's all back to square one.

I dreamt of my first love. Everything was so beautiful, so surreal, I could almost feel the hugs and the pecks. And then suddenly, things changed and I lost him. To another girl.

Maybe it's destinied for me not to have a good relationship.

Ahh. I should not let things like this affect me.

What I aim for now is to do well in my studies, and achieve my aims for dance.

This week has been hectic. Rushing to complete reports, preparing for showcase. Hardly have any time to breathe and have a proper rest. And as for next week, there'll be 3 presentations and one interview to conduct. Oh gosh. Then, after all the shit ends, it's already the exams ):

Caught Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I almost fell asleep. And the climax of the story is when Dumbledore died (P.S I cried and everyone laughed at me) I swear, my butt grew bigger sitting there for 2.5 hours. ZZZZ.

I got lots to say, but have no time to update ): So stay tune la hor.

Back to PMT slides. The creativity part, I swear I don't know what to do about it ):

Why is the blogger's template like that? So funny lahs!

Gosh! I feel like I'm floating. Soo sleeeepy!

Okay, proper update coming up after the showcase tomorrow. *bites nail*

Never let love defeat you. Cause I know your willpower is much stronger than that. Stay strong babe. I specially dedicate it to you, dear.

As for me, sigh. We're in the same boat. Let's enjoy Wednesday's outing to the fullest, aite? :)

Whatever that needs to be completed by this week is more or less done. Just waiting for PMT slides to be complied, which I don't know how many gazillion years they'll take. Just hope for the best. And come up with a backup plan.

WGM made my day. So does the company today. Thanks babes :)

"There's more to life than sweet memories. For now, enjoy the companionship of your friends. It's more worth it." I'll always remember those words. Thank you.

Really, I think I'll die without you girls :)

And I havent bathe. Yikes! :P

Ahh, brain-dead. I need more of We Got Married. I need more of chocolates. I need more of dosage of laughter from my girls.

Diarrhoea today. Ugh ):

My nose is still blocked, and I lost part of my voice.

):

Everyone comes and go. Including friends. Especially the old ones. Sad isn't it?

And I'm not choleric. So why am I trying to be one?

Ahh, just feel like emo-shititing right now. I think Pepsi makes me drunk. Did someone spike my drink or something?

And PEC just piss me off. The results: P.A.D.I = Chilli padi. -.-"

Okay, I know I'm rambling.

And I came to a realisation that I lost a lot of people during the past 6 months. Oh wow ):

Okay, goodnight.

Okay, forgive me. It's been almost a week since I've last updated. Been busy with compiling and completing PMT report since some people don't have any initiative to complete the job on time. Gaaah. Nevermind, I'm used to all these shit. We managed to pull through and did the report on time though. YAY.

Okay, 6 sets of projects too do. Both powerpoint slides and report. Somebody kill me?

Have been sick for almost three days now. I don't know, maybe it's due to lack of sleep? Or the stress I'm getting? OR H1N1? Oh no no! Am going to the doctor's tomorrow. Even though I most probably won't be eating the medicine. Just want some reassurance, that its not H1N1. And I'm so sorry for being so socially irresponsible, coming to school when I'm sick. Not that I wanted to, I had to. So sorry! ):

I almost fainted while in train this evening. Thank god I had a seat halfway through the journey.

I have to miss dance tomorrow. ): But I'll try to go for C/C choreo though. Since showcase is just a bloody week away. Try my best to dance tomorrow. But most probably have to sit out Ryan's training. Ugh. Everything comes at the same timing now. I feel so suffocated.

*gives a dramatic action*

And no, I'm not going to melt anymore. After whatever I have been through. And believe it or not, even after one month, I still do cry. Just hope that time'll heal everything. I don't want to live with this scar forever.

Somehow, somehow, I keep watching the Love module video that we made ourselves, and wished that I can turn back time and make the right decision. Sigh. If only...

Okay, got to go back to compiling reports. Compiling sucks okay! ):

For the sake of my results, AJA FIGHTING!

*ahchoo!*

So you're just using me to forget about her. Oh wow, thanks.

I refused to listen to people who tell me that you won't open up your heart to anyone else but her. Now, I feel even more stupid.

I don't know why, I just can't move on.

I'm afraid, my heart can't open up to anyone else anymore. I'm being stereotype, I know. But that's how my brain works. Even I myself can't control it.

Some SP girl eh. Thanks a lot.

And I thought we had something going on.

I know it's over for a very long time (to be exact, 3 weeks 5 days). Just that...

My stomach is cramp is real bad, to the extent that whenever I sneeze/cough/laugh, there's a sharp pain. Not due to period, due to crunches (sp?) during Ryan's juniors training. Ouch. Not forgetting the backaches. But the pain makes me happy, somehow. Like a sense of achievement. (:

Met up with Ronah today. Her retarded laptop crashed, and she needs to submit resume tomorrow. Poor cow. Ordered a Venti Iced Vanilla Latte at Starbucks. And McDonalds meal. Immediately when I reached home, I shit. HAHA. Thanks for the company babe! (:

I should start fasting tomorrow. But I'm scared that w/o water in the day, my body temperature will go up, and I cannot enter school. Tsk.

And I dreamt of you last night. I dreamt that you told everyone that you want to woo me. If only it happens in reality... Sigh.

I'm still feeling stupid, giving up someone who can offer me what I want for another person who can only make me happy for a second, and then he disappears. If only I made the right choice. But too bad, both are gone. 6 months, and I still feel stupid.

Monday tomorrow. Monday blues, sigh.

Shagged. Insufficient sleep, and worrying over the slightest thing. Sheesh.

Results, just a disappointment. I did improve a lot based on the last year's MSTs, but just that I know I could do so much better, and I missed a lot of chances of getting As. Sad thing is, some are just careless mistakes. And there is no next time anymore, since it's the rest of the percentage is based on projects.

Gaaaah! Huge lesson learnt! Got to work harder, especially on Blaw.

Dance today, somehow, rocked. Heh. I need more sessions please. Like a really good one for a good workout.

Starting next week, is the dreaded period for this term. Got to move my butt and start studying, put in more effort than the rest for reports, presentations etc. I can do this! (:

Okay, done bye.

Life is so lonely at times. Tsk. ):

Oh wow. I just saw it. Oh wow. Shit, I just couldn't accept it. Oh god. Why is it so easy for them to move on easily, while me, still trying to mend mine. Not I'm not assuming. Because if any Tom Dick or Harry see it, they will have the same thinking too. It's too bloody obvious, boy. Maybe because I'm a girl... Gahh, I feel like crying now.

And it's proven, Blaw is not my forte. Got to work doubly hard. Sheesh. I feel so stupid.

I don't know why, today is just a bad bad day. I need a dosage of laughter and nonsense jokes. Even suppressing my emotions is not getting easy anymore. Because I ran out of ways to suppress myself.

And for the first time in weeks, I don't feel like dancing anymore. I don't feel like going dance today. And I feel that dancing can no longer make me feel happy and carefree. Maybe I should just make my mom happy and stop. Maybe I should just take up another interest.

No?

Soembody, please make me laugh today ):

Went to catch "Threads of Destiny" today. Gaaaah! Total boredom. One, storyline got too complicated with so many things going on and so many people dying. Apparantly, the girl has complicated family background. Two, too many people died/get injured. Three, there is no English subtitles, which makes it hard for me, because my Malay is quite bad, and the way they translated, I can't seem to understand it well. Four, a person won't be so stupid to jump down and commit suicide (but failed. Nyahaha!) just because a friend went out with a guy she likes -.-" Okay, I can go on, but I can't be bothered to. Lol.

Really, the movie was a letdown. I heard form my friends that it's nice and very touching and that Az cried a lot of times. I was waiting for the sad part, but nothing. I even got ready tissue papers lor. And really, I'm the type that tear/cry during sad scenes. I cried everytime I watch Titanic okay!

A good experience though. I still think I should stick to watching WGM and cry at every last episode of each couple. HEH.

On a brighter note, lunch today (Fish and Chips! Nadiah, jealous annoooot? :P) was great. And the time spent with girlfriends (:

Cold cold day today. And I didn't bring jacket. Almost wanted to do what I usually do, but luckily, I remembered my status. Ah, need more time for re-adjustment. Sucks sucks sucks sucks.

Okay, got to start getting busy (:

Hello (:

I just finished watching the Korean reality show "We got married" Hyunjoong and Hwangbo's part. And oh wow, the ending is so sad. Hwangbo could not stop crying, and I could not stop crying too. HAHA. Freaking nice show. Am going to start watching another couple soon! Two thumbs up!

Term 2 starts today. Feels so draggy. And I should start revising soon, if my project grades are going to go on like this ): And at times, I am just tired of putting in more effort than other members, and then everyone getting the same result. I hate to be the 'in-charge' one, and I hate to be the one nagging. I kept telling myself, it's all for the sake of my results. But how long am I going to be like this? How long am I going to hold on? Really, I'm starting to hate projects. Stupid guys.

And it doesnt help that my mom is putting high hopes on me. Asking me to quit dance and use the time to study instead. And go into a University and pursue a degree. I don't want to. Because I know I can't make it. Because I don't want to give up dance. Because I hate it when people are deciding on the path that I want to take, without asking me first what I really want. Just because I'm the baby of the family, doesn't mean that I can't make my own decisions. I'm 18, big enough to know what's good and what's not.

I'm sorry I'm not smart, and I can't be the daughter you want me to be.

I'm just looking forward to movie (Threads of Destiny!) tomorrow (:

And to you, take care. Am going to miss you ):

Got a wake up call, after two weeks of living in denial. Truth hurts, but I have to accept it. Maybe part of me is at fault, for thinking too much and for interpreting the wrong things. But you should take the blame too, for being too nice to me after the whole thing is over. I guess, that's how you treat other girls too, yeah? Well, so be it, if you claim that it's your culture.

I've got to stand up on my own feet again, and be strong. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I'm too tired to do it.

Okay, enough.

I almost got a heart-attack-panic-stricken-want to faint when the people who monitor student's temperature pulled me aside and quarrantined me for umm, 10 minutes. They measured my temperature, 37.5. And again, 37.4. And again 37.5. I thought they're going to send me home. And I wanted to cry, cause I don't want to sit for a bloody retest. The kind ladies allowed me to go in :) Thank god. Now, I have phobia over such things. And as soon as I reached class, I took my own temperature. 36.4. What the hell?!

My body is playing tricks on me. Maybe because I didn't get enough sleep last night? So yeap, am trying my best not to fall asleep now. So that I can sleep better at night (: Hopefully it works.

Stupid H1N1. Stupid pigs who passed the virus to the world and gave me phobia. Ugh.

Life is quiet without having anyone by your side huh? My phone is so silent ):

Okay good bye.