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YUSNIZA, yussy, yus, iza .
18, 210691, Gemini
SP, Human Resource Management with Psychology
Modern Dancer, SDZ
Brown, Chocolates w/o nuts, White roses, Jellybeans, Marshmallows (:

Do TAG, love you! (:

Nyehhhh! Tuesday lessons sucks. UCCD, T&D, RM. Mehhh. Shouldn't have come to school today. All the lessons are skip-able. TSK.

My lunch? One chocolate waffle and blueberry cheese tart. OMG. Very the unhealthy la. Feel like puking too. Mehhh.

Glady's choreo later. Finally we have a proper training day. Waves is just next week. GAAAH. But at least I get to dance. (:

I don't want this week to end. Please let it pass by slowly.

David is here. Bye ):

My old tummy problem is back. Gastric. SIGH. Okay, I don't know if it's gastric or not. But I just whack, say it's gastric kay. Cause it feels like gastric. HAHA

Today's practise, felt really bad cause me and partner were playing most of the time (okay maybe me, cause I kept complaining that he's drenched in sweat. Sorry!). Then we couldn't do the new steps properly. Haiyo. Feel so bad/guilty towards mamasan. And it's the last practise week of Waves. Wednesday, must chiong kay!

Journey home, went back with some bboys/hiphop people/modern juniors. Wing so high. TSK. Love SDZians many many <333

Been coughing a lot nowadays. Sigh. ):

Tomorrow starts at 10am. Longer sleep yaaaaay. Must bring laptop, boooooo!

Okay, am shagged. Sigh. Good night! Or rather, good morning!

YAAAAY. Dance tomorrow ((((: It feels funny not dancing for just a day. Mehhhh. Dreading post-waves. Sigh. Pre-waves period rocks ((((:

This week, Thursday will be a non-dancing day. Haiya. What should I do after school?

And I'm feeling guilty all over again. Sigh. I feel like a baddie.

I don't know what to wear to school anymore. TSK. It's a chore to keep thinking of what to wear for school everyday. Gives me headache.

8am class tomorrow. At lab some more! SIGH. Lab lessons sucks.

Ok la, bye!

And when I thought I managed to get over it, the irritating weird funny feeling came back as soon as we chatted. Sigh. It's coming to 5 months now. So how long more? Got even worse when the past was being raked up. Double sigh. But too bad, he has the heart for that only one.

And finally when we meet online after more than a month, I don't have the courage anymore. I don't have the determination anymore. I no longer have the drive. It's been more than a year. How long more should I give myself false hopes?

Reality check yus. *snap snap*

I should stop waiting and hoping. It's useless. They are just being friendly.

Oh yay, great! He just left.

If only it's the other way round.

Ah, I should just ignore and have a proper sleep for the week. But, it's not easy. It's never easy, these ridiculous feelings.

Goodnight.

It's just so different this time. Sigh. The sad thing is, it may be the last. I shall do it, for the sake of what I like to do.

Tired. Sleepy. Irritated. Disappointed. Blah.

Got to catch up on my tutorials.

Btw, GEMS sucks. I seriously feel like failing it on purpose, and then take another one next semester. Sigh.

School. Dance. Sleep. School. Dance. Sleep. I love this period of time (:

None of the choreos I'm in are done. And I'm a very slow learner. Sigh. Shit.

Tired. Sick. Broke. Sleepy.

And not to mention all the issues going on at home, in school, during dance etc etc...

And the HR thingy. I feel like I've got to volunteer for something. Cause I know many won't do it. We already have a bad reputation. Sigh. Maybe I'll sign up for the skit or something. And make a fool of myself :/

I'm tired of having to handle everything at one go.

SIGH.

Another bonding session today, but with another group of people. HAHA. Bonding session rocks <333

Ended today with long chats and loud laughters in FC5. Am very lazy and not in the mood to blog about it. Dance was fun. Totally different, but fun (: But I'm totally blur today, and my partner had to lead me all the way. Thanks ah!

Things happened when I got home. If it goes on, I rather not go home early anymore. I hate to see you two bickering the whole time. I hate to see you accusing you over something without any proof. I hate to see you, not being able to defend yourself, and just walk away to another room. I hate the fact that you two cannot live happily. Really, it's better for you two to divorce. I really don't mind at all.

And it all comes to one main issue: Trust. Is it even that difficult to learn to forgive and forget? Okay, maybe not forget. But at least, forgive? And not rake up the past, whatever that happened more than 20 years ago?

Fcuk you all. Fcuk all the grudges. Fcuk all the money issues. Fcuk the lack of trust.

Really, totally spoil my mood. Thanks ah!

First day of school. Sigh. Train jam packed. Dover station was even worse!

8am class. I was not mentally there. 3 hours tutorial. Oh wow. And it's a lab module. 8am, 3hours, lab module. Good luck eh Yus! *faints* Jacq asked who is bad in lab modules. I immediately put my hands up. HAHA. Honesty is the best policy. Right right?

2 lectures after that. Mr Benedict, one funny guy. David, even more funny! The way he talked, with a lot of passion and semangat jiwang yang kental! Damn cute laaa. And sitting beside Makcik Ronah rocks. She kept making me laugh. I think 80% of the lecture, I laughed till I teared. <3

One thing I hate about the start of new semester, need to spend a lot on notes and textbooks. I'm left with only a dollar in my wallet today. SIGH. One thing I love about first week of school, no tutorials to do! The first class is always slack/get-to-know-you class. Wheeeeee!

Financial Marketing, Ben makes it sound like it's going to be tough. I flipped through the notes. WOW. I'm so going to suffer. This sem's modules, I'm going to screw it up maaaan! UGH.

Okay la, done, bye!

10am class tomorrow. Finally, longer sleep, wheeee!

I just realised. For the next 3 weeks, Monday is only non-dance day. Yay for me. Heh, at least I'm happy. Less sleep, but I get to enjoy myself.

Freaking upset. No fate la. Should have gone online 3 hours ago. Instead, I went to watch the car show on TV when I watched that before. Sigh. 1 month since we last chatted. And counting... Mehhh.

And my itchy fingers keep clicking to view the profile. Stupid fingers. Stupid me. GET OVER IT YUS! (but how come, it's so difficult this time round?)

I should be sleeping now. Got to wake up at 6am tomorrow. But, I'm still here. (still having that little hope that we'll meet. somehow -.-)

Now, where is that bloody miracle when I really need it?

I swear. Sem 2's timetable is freaking retarded. And to include my training days for Waves, even more freaking retarded.

Wednesday, ends at 1. Pearl's choreo is at 7. 1pm to 7pm. I can even go JB and get food there. LOL.

Friday, ends at 3. Gladys' choreo at 7. 3pm to 7pm. I can get a 2 hour nap at home and come back. Whee.

Ok, my timetable really damn nonsense. Haiya.

Tomorrow is at 8am. Shit. Jam packed train. And have to catch PR train. SIGH.

School suck, big time. But it beats staying home and listening to loudspeakers which only wants attention and irritate us.

SP Waves 14, seems like nobody wants to go. Mehhh ):

I'm finally done sewing sequins. OMFG! I sewed around the waist, and then it because too tight and I almost tore the pants while trying it on. And I had to remove EVERYTHING and re-sew. And this other method of re-sewing is damn freaking retarded. I shal never ever touch a needle and thread ever again. OMGZXS! I tried the whole costume on. And I think the pants looks like the Lion Dance pants. With fur missing. LOL. *dong dong cheng* But overall okay la. Very shiny! (((:

So what shall I wear on the first day of school tomorrow?? (:

Busy busy with rehearsals and choreo practices (even though I only have 2 choreo!). Yesterday, reached home only at 12am, because we chiong-ed the masquarade piece like mad. And I still can't remember the steps till now -.-" This morning, woke up at 6am for rehearsal at OSchool. And I survived today without coffee (applause!).

Today's rehearsal sucked. Space contraint. Whoever whom I stepped, kicked, hit, slap, smack, fall on, SORRY AH!

Then, had lunch at BJ, and a birthday celebration for LIM KIA HUI (shall not put your english name here) a.k.a Jiahui, the Cheena Dance girl! Happy 18th! We go clubbing together someday okay! Then stay over at your house! LOL.

More bonding, but with different group of people (: Almost all Senjas are present today, except Aznita. Mehhh...

As soon as I reached home, ate, and then started sewing sequins on the pants and leotard. Till now. And I'm not done yet. Mehhh. I shall never ever sew again. Unless necessary. Hate needles now. Poke me like siao! TSK.

Okay, I'm really sleep deprived, and tomorrow is the last day of holiday. Better catch up on my sleep! And start finding my school things. (Where's my pen ah???)

Yawnnn...............

Sigh. I want to sleep some more. I'm freaking tired.

Got shit from my mom late night about dance. So I better not stay overnight today. SIGH. My dad offered to pick me up tonight. But we'll see how it goes. I wished my mom is as supportive as my dad ): SIGH.

Today is Dad's birthday. I wanted to plan a lunch meal together, but the other siblings don't even bother about it. And I got to meet early for dance later. SIGH. Shall get a cake or some KFC/Pizza meal tomorrow after dance. SIGH. I feel so bad. I'm a bad bad daughter ):

And and I'm freaking irritated. End conversation means end conversation la! Sheesh.

Damn fcuking stressed up.

1) Both my lifting partners are injured (real bad I think) so I must be more careful not to injure them even more. Liftings require communication between the two, and I think I don't have that. Mehhh! Oi, guys! Take care hor! (Even though I think you guys don't even come here. HAHA)

2) More split jumps and releves for Gladys choreo. I have very very weak ankle so got to work on that too. And got to stretch more because my ponche is very very ugly ))):

3) My ankle keep giving me a funny funny dislocated feeling. But I can dance though. Don't worry. (: Just pain at times.

4) I'm very very slow at catching steps and timings. And sometimes, I don't have the initiative to ask help from others ):

5) Overnight tomorrow in school, sigh. (I think) Nvm nvm, chiong! ((:

6) I'm having a terrible stomachache. (Okay, this one no link. HAHA)

7) There's a lot of drama mama(S) happening. But haiya, it's normal. Waves period, everyone's true self shows. But am glad I can bond with the juniors more <3

8) HAIYA, my tummy very pain!

Okay la, bye la. Goodnight.

P.S It's been a more than a month since we had our long chats online. I missed it. And I hate the fact that you won't be there to see Waves! Waves sucks without you!!!

I just feel like shutting away from everything and everyone.

PMS, I guess. Nono, I need to recover fast.

Sigh. I'm even losing interest in dance. Shit.

WARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!

):

P.S I want my Saturday self back. Help, anyone?

Oh, my confession song:

Try- Asher Book

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one
would you believe me

If i ask you to stay
would you show me the way
Tell me what to say
so you don't leave me

The world is catching up to you
While your running away
to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song
would you sing along
Or wait till i'm gone,
oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart
would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful

Am i catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreamsI
t's time for us to face the truth c
ause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enoughI will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

Staying home makes me think too much. Too much till it hurts. I want school. I want school.

So, you love me, cause I'm fragile?
And I thought that I was strong?

Hi, hello. My blog survived the 500th post. Let's see how long more to go before I delete this blog and open up another blog. And yes, make it private of course.

Today (: The 3 KUKU reunion before school starts. Initial plan was cancelled, because only 3 of us could make it in the end, and the sky was dark. So we went MS instead. And caught up with each other. Caught Fame again. This time, not as nice as before, since I knew the ending. But, Kherington's dance parts still gives me goosebumps.

And I finally bought Feddy! After few weeks of comtemplatations. Mehh. Not as cheap, but am in love with the design. The size is big, but I don't care. HAHA.

I want to do more shopping! I want another Dorothy Perkins's basic tee. Mehhh.

Tomorrow, hopefully, will be a day spent with Mom. Hopefully I'll enjoy it. Generation gap too huge. Blah.

And hopefully, we'll get into the same GEMS again! *prays hard*

I feel like a meanie today. Guilty. But it's the last resort. For you to move on. For the best, to both of us. Sigh.

Ahh, love my Feddy <3

Okay la. Bye la. I'm so sleepy now ):

WOW! A happy happy post to mark my 500th post! Happy 500th-post"sary"!

Today today. Hmm, or should I say yesterday, since it's already 1.05am. Hmm, dance vetting was nerve-wrecking. I totally forgot my steps for Pearl's pas-de-deux. Sorry ah ZhengHang! ): And Gladys' even worse. Totally screwed the lifting part. And climax was messy. Wahh, I almost cried man. Was emo-ing alone during the post-briefing.

Gladys drilled us like mad after that. Looking at our performance, we deserved a tough training and a proper scolding. Finally got the timing for lifting (and of course, successful liftings), and had proper full-runS. Hopefully, the next full-run won't be as bad as the previous ones. Gambate!

Slacked around MPH with Jiahui and Shyan to kill time. And only to realise that we were late to meet the rest for the NTU modern dance concert. Mehhh! Sorry ar! Shyan look so pretty with eyeliner (: All thanks to Kate's make-up skills.

NTU Concert was dope!!! For a 1hr modern show, it's quite amazing, seeing all the modern pieces one after another. AMAZED by all 3 pas-de-deux, the finale, and especially Gravity! Oh wow, I was almost at the edge of my seat already lah. Kudos man! And the liftings were so smooth. Strong guys, heh. Ryan certainly did an amazing job, considering that he took over NTU quite recent. DOPE LAH! Make me even more motivated to work harder for Waves. :P

Dinner at LJS at Jurong Point. The first time ever, I could not finish a meal. ): Me, Jiahui, Shyan and Kate were like very engrossed in our conversations, that we decided to continue talking while sitting outside JP. The rest joined too, (: So we had a mini bonding session, with 6 seniors n 6 juniors.

Somehow, I got really high after the concert. And I talked non-stop. And laughed like a hyena. Mehhh. Showed them my rare and wild side. HEH. We shared our lifting experiences (Big HAHA!) and Waves 13. Basically about dance. But funnnn! Love the company lots laaa <333

And Kate's, "Where are you?" to Allen joke was damn hilarious! (: Am still snickering till now. LOL.

Must have more of such talk sessions kay. Love yall. Cannot be shy already. Heee.

Goodnight. I'm very very tired and shagged.

A quickie here.

Yesterday was a letdown. Partly because of dance. And also, partly because I realised how insignificant I am to you. I never thought I did so much to stand by you. And only to realise that I'm under appreciated. I feel like a cushion, for you to fall back on.

Nevermind, it's okay. It's not something new. It happens all the time. I'll silently forgive and don't bear grudges, but I'll certainly won't forget.

Somehow, I feel a lot better with different group of people. Maybe, it's where I belong.

As for dance, sigh. Two dances with totally different feel. I just need to get used to. I guess? I hope?

I've been sleeping for longer hours, and my body refused to take in more food. I can't even finish a plate of chicken rice. And my body feels more lethargic. Shit. At this rate, I'm going to have to take vitamin pills, eeeeeeeeee!

I really want to go back to sleep now. But it's already 1pm, and I've slept for more than 10hours. Mehh.

I seriously hope that all these shit don't affect my mood to dance later, and for more rehearsals and practices to come. Sigh.

Okay, goodbye.

I'm hungry and Mummy is not home ): Okay, I sound like a brat. Heh.

Anyhoos, timetable suck ): 3 days, starts at 8am. Wow oh wow, how the hell am I supposed to get up? Especially with Waves going on. Thank god Waves end on the 3rd week of school. Hopefully I don't miss much.

I'm sick of Choco Pops coated with Chocolate. Not only sinful, but too sweet for breakfast. Okay, I'm having my breakfast at this hour. LOL.

Okay la, bye la. Dance later at 7pm. And I want to catch up on my Hello Baby! (:

I just wish the clock would turn to 10 months ago, and make my decision properly. But too bad, life is just mean. Whatever is done, you can't change it. Reality check. Bitter sweet. More of bitter, I must say. And the process after that, it's even more bitter, it's almost as though I'm soul-less.

Certainly a bitter year for me. And I don't think it's going to get any better.

You get my point. I don't want to go on anymore.

Mehhh. I need something that can make me really high. Real bad.

Today. Woke up at 8am because of diarrhoea, and to finish up Vanne's card. Slept again at 10am, and woke up at 12.30pm. And then, straight for dance.

Dance was a blur to me. I was not really conscious, and I don't know why. I wasn't myself.

Met up with Vanne and the rest for her celebration. Joined them for dinner, and cake ceremony. And then left. Cause my leg start to hurt again. ):

Anyhos, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY VANNE! I LOVE YOU DEEP DEEP! *VA handshake*

Monday monday. Beach on monday! Please don't rain on us! ):

Morning!

Had a really really goodnight sleep. From 7pm yesterday, when I reached home from camp, till 9am today. I didn't bathe (esp when Gladys drilled us like mad) and I didn't unpack. Thank god I ate. HAHA.

Camp rocked. Had fun rolling around in sleeping bag with Beiling, nonsensing with Weilin, talked nonsense with the juniors. Freaked myself out with the liftings (thank god Zheng Hang is reliable). Knocked myself on the door partition, and ZhuoFeng lifted me till my head hit the ceiling. Cool. Bruises, muscleache everywhere. Danced random dance at night, when we were supposed to sleep. Ghost stories, fries with lots of curry sauce (10 packets!) at night, wrestling with each other, pulling each other around in sleeping bag. Cup noodles at midnight, and then to realise that we got locked out of the school. Had to climb into the school through the pond with fishes and getting our feet wet, and running away from security guards (for don't know what reason) at night.

Shagged but fun! (:

I really miss my two KUKUs lots. I will make it on Wednesday. Die die must make it! Mehhhhh!

Must practise harder. And be more confident in myself. Jiayou Yussy!

School's starting in two weeks time ):

I have yet to pack my bag. HAHA. Shit.

And I'm feeling very random right now, so I decided to blog even though I don't know what to blog about.

I miss my two KUKUs very very much. I have to rush to and from dance to meet them on Wednesday. Anything for my girls (:

I forced myself to eat a plate of fried rice for breakfast (so sickening!). Because I know I won;t be having lunch, and dinner will be late.

And I've reached my ideal weight woooo! ^^

Okay, I shall go bathe now. Mehhhh.

I just came back from dance.

I have yet to pack for dance camp tomorrow. I shall pack tomorrow morning!

Gladys have yet to reply me about the leotard.

And I just finished sending out SMSes to all those buying leotard tomorrow.

I'm shagged.

Thank god for free unlimited SMS. Now I know how troublesome Jiahui's job can be. Kudos girl!

And I didn't have a proper dinner. My dinner was 4 pieces of kuih, 2 chicken wings and few pieces of mushrooms.

I'm going to miss my bed. And I'm going to miss chatting with you! Waves is boring without you! ):

It's been a long hard day. Everything just seem to suck. Including my flat bangs and my knee.

I just can't wait to go into a deep sleep, and hopefully dream about something good.

And to end today, I saw the change in your status. Whether it's a joke or not, it hurts. I still don't know why I bothered to check your profile out. I still don't know why my heart is still thumping like mad, whenever I browse through your pictures. And I still don't know why I can't get over it, and over you.

I don't want any sympathy. I don't want any reassurances. All I want is to have a listening ear and a good cry, and forget about everything, forever. But, "When you lose your memories, you will lose your soul."

But how come I feel like as though I lost my soul when I still have those memories?

Goodnight. Goodbye.

For tomorrow will be a better day. Hopefully. Sigh